How many times do you read stuff like: “The secret of change is to focus all your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” Throw in a sunrise image with a silhouette of a woman with luscious long locks and flawless figure greeting the spirit world. You are possibly thinking I am being sarcastic. Correct. But as I am learning, its okay to be honest. White lies are normal, according to shrinks and statistics. Pathological liars are not. “Telling the truth and making someone cry is better than telling a lie and making someone smile.” ~ Paolo Coelho. This a quote I live by. So when you ask me “How’s your day?” its highly probable I’ll reply “I’m dead inside.”
As I am about to receive a few birthday cards printed “52” I am in a transitioning state of 50 plus and WTF happened for me to get here so quickly? My body is sagging and my brain is like mashed potatoes (not the creamy delicious Jamie Oliver type). It is so cruel. Yet, in my attempt to embrace getting older, rather than fearing it, I’ve stumbled upon some really cool stuff that I would like to share with you.
I wrote this and texted it to a friend. She received it super quickly thanks to our modern world. I didn’t even have to write a letter and post it! Just so she could ‘get me’. “Yesterday my client phoned me and left a message, asking to call me back. OH MY GODDDDD she’s going to tell me that the job I did for her wasn’t satisfactory. All I could think about were the things that I could have done wrong, instead of all the really good things that I did right. Is she going to put me on notice? Did she find out I did something she didn’t prefer I did? OH MY GOD I don’t want to phone her back, but I did anyway. Only to find out that she wished to apologise for not replying to a text I had sent her a week ago. And to thank me for a great job that I did.” This is how my brain works. All. Of. The. Time.
I think a lot of us self sabotage and beat ourselves up. Its a bad habit to break. But, rather than tearing myself down, I build myself up. How? By surrounding myself with those that support me effortless and without judgement. Its not easy to find these people. But they come along at the EXACT moment when you need them. So embrace that shit!
As you may be aware, I have nerve damage in my left arm. I was left without a deltoid and a dodgy shoulder incapable of doing a good job of things. I can go around using this as my excuse for failure for the rest of my life, or I can use it to my advantage. Not dissimilar to meeting a Pathological Liar. I know that some of you will relate to this. As a child, or adult, it happened…
To the people that hurt me: I thank you for shoving me into REALITY. For showing me that I am powerful, beautiful, creative, intelligent with drive and spark and passion and that I am perfectly capable of showing the world that I was worth being born. I will not die a death by your cuts. I forgive you.